By Dr. Kate Watson, President and Founder, The Advocacy Academy
In the aftermath of violence and trauma, people are often expected to make decisions quickly—whether to report, leave, stay, seek services, participate in an investigation, or begin healing work. From the outside, these decisions can seem urgent or even obvious. From the inside, survivors are often navigating something much more complex: ambivalence.
Ambivalence is the experience of holding two or more competing thoughts, feelings, or desires at the same time. A survivor might want safety and also want connection with the person who harmed them. They might want justice and also want to avoid the emotional toll of the legal system. They might want change and also feel deeply uncertain about what change will cost them.
Ambivalence is not a sign of confusion, denial, or weakness. It is a natural human response, especially in situations involving trauma, attachment, fear, and survival. When we understand ambivalence as something to be explored rather than resolved quickly, we create space for more meaningful and sustainable change.
This is where motivational interviewing (MI) offers a powerful framework.
Motivational interviewing is a collaborative, person-centered approach to communication that helps people explore their own motivations for change. Rather than telling someone what they should do, MI invites individuals to reflect on their values, their goals, and the direction they want their lives to take.
At its core, motivational interviewing is grounded in respect for autonomy. Survivors of violence have often experienced profound violations of their autonomy. Their choices may have been controlled, dismissed, or taken from them entirely. Therefore, one of the most healing things an advocate can do is to consistently communicate: “You are in charge of your own life.”
This does not mean stepping back or becoming passive. It means showing up with curiosity instead of urgency, and with partnership instead of authority.
One of the biggest challenges for helping professionals is what is often called the Fixing Reflex, the instinct to fix, solve, or protect. When we care deeply about someone’s safety, it can feel almost impossible not to jump in with advice or direction. We may say things like, “You need to leave,” or “You should report,” or “This isn’t safe.”
These responses are well-intentioned, but they can sometimes have the opposite effect. When people feel pushed, they often push back. When they feel judged or misunderstood, they may shut down. When their autonomy feels threatened, even subtly, they may cling more tightly to the very behaviors we are hoping they will change.
Motivational interviewing helps us soften that reflex. A key element of motivational interviewing is listening for and strengthening what is known as Change Talk, the person’s own language in favor of change. When a survivor says something like, “I can’t keep living like this,” or “I want something different for my kids,” they are expressing a desire, a need, or a reason for change.
Our role is not to supply those reasons, but to notice them, reflect them, and gently amplify them.
For example:
- “It sounds like part of you is really wanting something different.”
- “You’re thinking a lot about what kind of future you want for your children.”
By reflecting these statements back, we help individuals hear themselves more clearly. Over time, this can strengthen their internal motivation and confidence.
Equally important is making space for Sustain Talk, the reasons a person might stay the same. In the context of trauma, these reasons are often rooted in very real concerns such as safety, financial stability, housing, immigration status, emotional attachment, cultural expectations, and more.
When we ignore or minimize sustain talk, we risk invalidating the person’s reality. When we acknowledge it, we build trust.
For example:
- “There’s a lot at stake if you make a change.”
- “It makes sense that you would feel torn, given everything you’re dealing with.”
This kind of validation does not reinforce harm. It reinforces honesty.
Motivational interviewing is not about persuading someone to make a specific choice. It is about helping them make a fully informed, internally aligned choice. The goal is not compliance. It is empowerment.
For victim advocates, this approach aligns closely with trauma-informed principles. It prioritizes safety, trust, collaboration, empowerment, and cultural humility. It recognizes that each survivor is the expert in their own life.
Perhaps most importantly, motivational interviewing reminds us that change is not something we impose. It is something we support.
When we slow down, listen deeply, and honor ambivalence, we offer survivors something that may have been missing for a long time: the opportunity to hear their own voice clearly, to reconnect with their own values, and to move forward in a way that feels authentic and sustainable.
In a field that often emphasizes urgency, motivational interviewing invites us to embrace patience. In that patience, we often find something powerful. People are far more capable of change than we might imagine, especially when they feel seen, heard, and respected along the way.
Resources
Watson, K. (2023). Motivational Interviewing for Victim Advocates: Effective Communication Skills in the Response to Power-Based Violence. Advocacy Academy Press.
Miller, W. R. and Rollnick, S. (2024). Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change and Grow (Fourth Edition). Guilford Press.
Campbell, K. B. (2011). Motivational interviewing in crisis counseling with victims of intimate partner violence [PDF]. Family & Intimate Partner Violence Quarterly. Civic Research Institute.
Saftlas, A. F., Harland, K. K., Wallis, A. B., Cavanaugh, J., Dickey, P., & Peek-Asa, C. (2014). Motivational interviewing and intimate partner violence: a randomized trial. Annals of Epidemiology, 24(2), 144–150.
